With this recent honor, a past award from 2009, "Young Professionals Choice Award", has invaded my memory. The timing of this award corresponded with a life-changing time in my life as I was then only a few raw months into my divorce. The particular day that is populating my memory started with an e-mail blast to our office proudly announcing this award notification. It gave me a bit of a smile and some added pep on a bleak Nebraska winter morning. As I went about my day during the busyness of tax season, one of my partners popped his head into my office. “Hey, do you think you could give the acceptance speech at Chamber award luncheon next week?” he asked me. “Hmmm”, I thought. I sure didn’t see this coming.
As he looked at me and asked me this question, there was no doubt as to the look I saw in his eyes. It was a look I had become quite accustomed to during that time period in my life. It was the look of sympathy. I have never been able to understand why anyone would pay for a palm reading. Hands are clearly a waste of time. You can see everything in a person’s eyes. And I have seen all kinds of sentiments in other people’s eyes over my forty-four years…admiration, fear, dislike, affection, envy, loyalty, distrust… Yep, this one was definitely sympathy. It did make me pause and wonder what he saw in my eyes as I looked back. Embarrassingly, I concluded it was probably a bit of vulnerability. A look that my partners weren’t accustomed to seeing from me during our twenty years working together. Ugh. My head felt foggy and I felt a bit lost, so I was sure my eyes reflected this same sentiment.
“Sure,” I answered. “They will have you sit at the head table,” he went on to explain, “and you'll have two minutes to give an acceptance speech.” “Got it”, I responded. I wondered to myself if there was some discussion among partners that this may be an opportunity to encourage and help get me back to my prior pre-divorce self…engaged, game on and no fog. But since speculation served no good, sympathy or no sympathy; I was honored to accept the award and that I would do. It was time for me to reacquaint myself with the outside world again anyway. Maybe this was the nudge I needed? Since I love to give speeches and enjoy public speaking, the prospect of this acceptance speech was becoming invigorating. It is a strange anomaly in life when a person who is petrified of missing a fly ball in little league softball doesn’t have a bit of heart palpitation in giving impromptu speeches to hundreds. Figure that one out.
So the day came for my coming out party. I put on my favorite dress, jacket and boots in anticipation of stepping out into the world again. With the luncheon downtown and an 11:00 departure time; at about 10:00, I thought I better write my speech. The negative on being a writer is that you innately know that you can get away with waiting until the last minute to write little things like an acceptance speech. Don't get me wrong, I had thoughtfully reflected on what I wanted to say for days. But with a two minute window, I needed only a few words to nail the message. And this speech meant something to me. I love my co-workers at Lutz. Not only had I been blessed to work with so many great people over my years at Lutz, but I felt completely surrounded by great love and support during a very rough spot in my life. Some shared words during this difficult time; others just gave me warm smiles with no words necessary. I always knew they had my back. So everything that had been circling in my brain for last few days were typed onto a one page speech in approximately twenty minutes. And I felt good about it. When I reread my written words, I knew that this was exactly what I wanted to say.
With my speech stuffed into my suit pocket, my boots hit the ground; in route to take the podium Downtown. I was expecting a small crowd made up of my Lutz co-workers. Thinking this, my speech was fondly written for my co-workers and to my co-workers. As I walked into the Qwest Center, I quickly realized that my estimations were clearly off. I was shocked to find myself in the company of over 1,000 attendees. It just so happened that our award was a mere smaller portion of a bigger Chamber event featuring a national keynote speaker. Still a bit shell shocked with the mounds of people filling the room, I was guided to the head table. There was a brief panic attack when I second guessed my choice of spending a mere twenty minutes to write my speech. I certainly knew I didn't rehearse it enough. I found myself sitting at the head table with local news personalities and corporate sponsors. After exchanging pleasantries, I looked around trying to locate the nearest bathroom. By my estimation, I had about ten minutes where I could hole up in bathroom stall and reread and possibly rewrite my speech; ensuring it was up to the standards with this very large audience. I gave this about five seconds of consideration before deciding that I was golden. No bathroom run for me. If I wasn't picking up the words correctly from my paper in hand, I would just improvise by speaking from the heart…final answer.
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| Meet Malcolm Gladwell |
The ceremony began with Lutz award at the top of the list. With a quick introduction of our firm and a write up on why we were chosen as "Young Professionals Choice Award", I was asked to accept the award on stage and give my speech. I remember loosely following my written speech, but after connecting eyes with some of my co-workers; not wanting to look back down at the paper. It was way too mesmerizing looking at the crowd and sharing with them the honest sediments that were nestled with pride in my heart. And people smiled back at me...both with their mouths and with their eyes. I saw acceptance. It was exhilarating. It just felt right and all was well in the world again. The response from the crowd and my co-workers felt like a warm blanket. I was now grateful to my partners for the vote of sympathy. It was just what the doctor ordered.
I sat down while the applause was still vibrating and filling my spirit. The emcee moved on to introduce the featured keynote speaker with an introduction that included a long list of top-selling books and accolades on his publishing milestones. Yes, Malcolm Gladwell is one accomplished writer and being the keynote speaker, he was wired with a small clip-on microphone. And he gave an amazing presentation on his amazing book. My dream would have been for Malcolm to catch my eye on his way back to the head table and we share "a moment", a look just between us, and then become fast friends with a chuckle later over our awkward introduction. Maybe my speech resonated with him and we now had commonality? Nope…not so much. In fact, I believe he glared at me on his way back to the head table. So in the end, Malcolm is not my FaceBook friend. We did not share a laugh nor did we exchange contact information. Although I do think Malcolm and I would have gotten on smashingly, it was not meant to be. But all that mattered on that day were my Lutz co-workers who were there with me sharing our award acceptance. And if I were to choose a friendship of choice, my fellow accounting warriors trumped the cult following of Mr Gladwell. Yep, my coming out party was spectacular with an amazing guest list of 14 co-workers that was the envy of Omaha. I would add that as a goodwill gesture, I did buy Malcolm Gladwell's book, "The Outliers". A fascinating read. I would highly recommend it. Just don't ask me to get you a signed copy ;)
