A Lesson from Junior Achievement

I've been playing sounding board to a friend as he deals with an estranged spouse on financial decision making for their children.  It is painful to watch how philosophical differences in raising children are exasperated by divorce.  Adding to the problem are two homes and two checkbooks.  Different messages are conveyed from each home.  Their opinions on financial need for extracurricular items are about as closely aligned as the moon and Mars.

Now let me explain my friend’s dilemma.  His ex-wife doesn't tell their children “no”.  It is just that simple.  Telling them no might take a life opportunity away from them.  Providing them with every opportunity to succeed, regardless of the amount of money or reliance on debt, is the perceived expectation of parenthood.  Unfortunately this attitude of child-rearing has become the norm and not the exception in today’s society.

It reminds me of a life buffet line. Kids are provided an “all-you-can-eat” buffet of choices with the expectation of unlimited opportunities. Whether it’s select sports, expensive camps, private lessons, costly clothing and incidentals; all are available based on the desire of the child.  The need or associated price tag rarely is weighed.  The adult lesson to be learned is that we are creating an entitlement attitude in our children by sparing no expense or sacrifice in fulfilling their wants.

As I peel back the onion, it has become very apparent to me that the core problem comes right out of the Junior Achievement curriculum that I taught to my son’s fifth grade class; Needs vs. Wants.  Somewhere along the line, this grade school lesson was missed by the parents of today.  The by-product in our “I want it all…I want it now” society is children not being taught the difference between these very important life concepts.

Let me digress a bit with the role-playing exercises I went through with the 5^th graders:

Sandy:  Who knows the difference between a need and a want?

Student:  A need is something you need to live and survive.

Sandy:  Can you give me an example?

Student:  Water, school, food, shelter.

Sandy:  Now explain a want.

Student:  A want is something we want that will make us happy.  We don’t need it to live, but we would like to have it. 

Sandy:  Some examples please.

Student:  A video game, a new guitar, my own bedroom, a pet dog.

Sandy:  Nice work class.

As parents, why is this such a difficult concept to grasp?  A friend once told me that we are handicapping our children by making life too easy for them.  There is a lot of truth to that statement.  So why do we do it?  I am of the belief that we are afraid to let our children fail.  We shelter them and coddle them to create what is many times a false sense of happiness.

I would challenge everyone to think back to their biggest life lessons.  Most involve failure and sacrifice.  It’s time to get back to the good old needs vs. wants lesson with our kids.  Failure is not a bad thing.  Making sacrifices and having some skin in the game is a great thing.