Now let me explain my friend’s dilemma. His ex-wife doesn't tell their children “no”. It is just that simple. Telling them no might take a life opportunity
away from them. Providing them with
every opportunity to succeed, regardless of the amount of money or reliance on debt,
is the perceived expectation of parenthood.
Unfortunately this attitude of child-rearing has become the norm and not
the exception in today’s society.
It reminds me of a life buffet line. Kids are provided an
“all-you-can-eat” buffet of choices with the expectation of unlimited
opportunities. Whether it’s select sports, expensive camps, private lessons, costly
clothing and incidentals; all are available based on the desire of the child. The need or associated price tag rarely is weighed. The adult lesson to be learned is that we are
creating an entitlement attitude in our children by sparing no expense or
sacrifice in fulfilling their wants.
As I peel back the onion, it has become very apparent to me that
the core problem comes right out of the Junior Achievement curriculum that I
taught to my son’s fifth grade class; Needs vs. Wants. Somewhere along the line, this grade school
lesson was missed by the parents of today.
The by-product in our “I want it all…I want it now” society is children not
being taught the difference between these very important life concepts.
Let me digress a bit with the role-playing exercises I went
through with the 5th graders:
Sandy: Who knows the
difference between a need and a want?
Student: A need is
something you need to live and survive.
Sandy: Can you give
me an example?
Student: Water,
school, food, shelter.
Sandy: Now explain a
want.
Student: A want is
something we want that will make us happy.
We don’t need it to live, but we would like to have it.
Sandy: Some examples
please.
Student: A video
game, a new guitar, my own bedroom, a pet dog.
Sandy: Nice work
class.
As parents, why is this such a difficult concept to
grasp? A friend once told me that we are
handicapping our children by making life too easy for them. There is a lot of truth to that statement. So why do we do it? I am of the belief that we are afraid to let
our children fail. We shelter them and
coddle them to create what is many times a false sense of happiness.
I would challenge everyone to think back to their biggest
life lessons. Most involve failure and
sacrifice. It’s time to get back to the
good old needs vs. wants lesson with our kids.
Failure is not a bad thing.
Making sacrifices and having some skin in the game is a great thing.
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